When people create a trust, naming an adult child as trustee often feels like the natural choice. After all, who knows the family better? Who cares more? While that works well in many situations, it’s important to understand that “family” and “fiduciary” are two very different roles. In some cases, asking an adult child to serve as trustee can create more problems than it solves.
A trustee’s job is not just to “be in charge.” A trustee has a legal duty to manage assets prudently, follow the terms of the trust, treat beneficiaries fairly, keep records, handle taxes, make distributions appropriately, and sometimes say “no” – even to siblings or other family members. That’s a significant responsibility, and it can put adult children in very difficult positions.
Family conflict is one of the biggest risks. When one child is trustee and others are beneficiaries, even routine decisions can feel personal. A decision about when to make a distribution, whether to sell a home, or how to invest trust assets can quickly turn into accusations of favoritism or mismanagement. Even in loving families, the trustee-child can become the “bad guy,” simply for following the rules.
Even though the world is doing more things remotely all the time, geography matters more than people expect. If the trustee lives in another state, managing property, meeting with advisors, or handling practical tasks can become burdensome. Time zone differences, travel costs, and unfamiliarity with local professionals can complicate administration.
Also remember, being responsible doesn’t mean being equipped. A child may be trustworthy and well-intentioned, but still lack the financial, legal, or organizational skills required. Trust administration involves record keeping, tax reporting, investment oversight, and sometimes complex distribution standards. Mistakes can expose the trustee to personal liability.
And the emotional toll is real. Serving as trustee often happens during periods of grief, stress, or ongoing family tension. Making financial decisions about a parent’s legacy while managing sibling expectations can strain even strong relationships.
For these reasons, many families consider alternatives, such as a professional fiduciary, trust company, or co-trustee arrangement. A neutral third party can reduce conflict, bring technical expertise, and allow adult children to remain in the role they value most: family. While a neutral party may incur more costs, in the long-run, preserving family harmony may be the preferred goal.
Choosing a trustee isn’t about trust in that person alone — it’s about matching the job to the right person to carry out that role. Thoughtful planning early can help preserve both assets and relationships later.
